Of Lizards and Women
by Crom the Dragon
Summary: This is the tale of the Argonian Dragonborn and his Housecarl, Lydia, and the development of their relationship. And a Kahjiit skull named Gregory. Rated M for Violence and gore, cursing, and nudity.
1. Beginning of a Journey

The Dragonborn was sitting in a chair; his saber-tooth hood was pulled over to cover his eyes. He was snoring, loudly, much to most people's annoyance. There was also a skull on the table, which also disturbed many people. The Jarl, Balgruuf, told everyone to just deal with it however, because he would be gone soon.

The Argonian Dragonborn felt a shake on his shoulder. It was a soft, small hand. He shook himself awake. He pulled his helmet up to seed a stoic, strong-aired Nordic woman in front of him.

"Lydia, I assume?" He asked politely. He picked up his skull and moved its lower jaw.

"Of course it is! Don't be so stupid, Caesar!" said the skull/Argonian. After a silence, the Skull said "I'm sorry, Caesar, I didn't mean it."

"I know." said Caesar, the Argonian Dragonborn.

After another long silence, the woman spoke. "Yes, I am Lydia, I am your Housecarl. It is my duty to-"

"Heheh, she said dooty." said the skull, which Caesar hit on the table. "Ow." said the Skull.

"…To guard and protect all you own with my life."

Caesar looked at her up and down, examining her closely. She raised her brow, "Is there something wrong, my Thane?" She asked.

He shook his head. "Nope, not at all," He said as he leapt up from his chair. "In fact, you seem more than perfect." He dusted off his armor. "My name's Caesar Vasculius, nice to meet you." He held out his hand, which she shook. "And this is Gregory." He said, handing her the skull.

"Hiya!" It said, almost as if it was grinning. She gasped and dropped it. "Ow." It said. Caesar picked it up and placed it on his belt.

"Well, it's time to start our long adventure! Are you ready?" said Caesar, bright twinkling in his eyes. Before she could answer, he jumped down the stairs. "Good! Now follow me, my servant! Adventure awaits!"

Lydia sighed; she already dreaded what was to come.


	2. Beginning of a Journey II

Caesar bursted through the doors of Dragonsreach, running down the stairs. Lydia struggled to keep up with him. For a man in heavy armor, he moved incredibly fast. She got to the gates and ran out of them, searching frantically for her thane.

"Thane!" She yelled. "THANE!" She yelled at the top of her lungs. She then felt scaly, muscled arms wrap around her stomach as she was hefted up from the ground and slammed into the soft dirt. "What the hell?!" She said, trying to hit the target.

Caesar grabbed her hands and pinned her to the ground. He leaned close to her face, a wide grin across his face. "You have failed the first test." he said with his deep, rolling voice. Lydia panted with exhaustion, tired from chasing him. She struggled to get him off, but to no avail.

"What do you mean I failed?" she asked, looking into his yellow, reptilian eyes.

"You were not aware, I caught you off guard, and if I were a bandit, I would've had my way with you and you'd be dead." He said.

She looked away, angry at herself, feeling as if she disappointed him. He got off of her, extending his hand, offering to pick her up. She took his hand and he pulled her up. She brushed herself up. She noticed that some of her breasts were showing, she blushed and quickly readjusted her armor. While Caesar wasn't staring, Gregory was, and, if he could, licking his lips. She blushed deeper, but the Dovahkiin smiled at her, almost reassuring her. She looked away from his gaze.

"C'mon, adventure awaits." Caesar exclaimed, as he picked up his bags and handing them to Lydia.

"Wait, what?" she said, startled slightly.

"What, you expect me to carry that? What do I look like, a Housecarl?" He said, playfully. She glared at him fiercly. He rolled his eyes and snatched one of his bags, so the carrying weight was at least evenly distributed and they could make better time.

"Where are we going?" Lydia asked.

"To High Hrothgar, my dear Lydia. To meet the Greybeards."


	3. Directions and Bandits

_Dear Journal,_

_My journey has been… interesting to say the least. My Thane was nothing I expected. I expected a tall, strong, Nord, with the face of the Gods. Instead, he is a short, swift Argonian, who was armored surprisingly heavily, and had so many animal skins so is impossible to tell what his body looks like. He is a strange character, always talking to his skull, "Gregory", or himself. He often curses, such as when he was hurt or he is arguing with Gregory, and he curses even more when he's drunk. He always leaves late at night, when he thinks I'm sleeping. I always fall asleep before he comes back. But when he does, he sometimes has blood on his nails, but he doesn't give me an answer why they are. And whenever I ask about his past life, he almost always waves it off. The only question he answered was where he was from. He told me that doesn't know where he was born, but he was raised by an Imperial family._

_We've been walking in the wilderness for about a week. I think he actually intentionally strayed off course. He is an enthusiastic cave diver, but he always sneaks through, trying to avoid combat as much as possible. So far, there hasn't been any combat._

_Well, that's it for now. _

_~Until later, Lydia._

Lydia shut her journal as they continued their journey, walking to nowhere and anywhere. She sighed and looked at the Thane. He was talking to Gregory, they were arguing about directions.

"We should've taken a left." Said the skull, harrumphing.

"I'm telling you, this is the right way!" said Caesar, ever enthusiastic.

"You've never been here your whole life, how should you know, oh Great Wizard?"

"You've never been here either, so how would YOU know, Sauron?"

"I just had –"

"We are going the right way, I looked at the map." said Lydia, who was holding a folded piece of paper in her hand.

"See? I told you so, you stupid skull." said Caesar, laughing at Gregory.

"Whatever, fuck you two, I'm going to sleep." said the skull, which Caesar put back on his belt. They were close to Ivarstead, which is at the foot of High Hrothgar. It was high noon, but it was still rather cold. Normally, normal people would've thought Caesar uncomfortable in the cold, but in reality, he was actually livelier in the cold. He was happy whenever he could see his breath.

"Why?" Lydia asked.

"Why what?" asked Caesar.

"Why do you never answer my questions? Whenever I ask about anything you do, you always wave it off. Why?"

"Why haven't you told me about yourself?" he retorted. Lydia was about to say something, but she stopped, looking down. "Stop that."

"What?"

"You're hurt too easily. I was not insulting you, I just merely answered your question." he said, noticing how much she sank. He sighed, "But I know that is not the answer you want, so I will give you a better one; you just need to give me time, I just don't know you yet. I'll warm up, whether it is as friends or in bed." He smirked as she shifted uncomfortably, blushing deeply. He chuckled, his deep voice making it sound hearty. He knew that she didn't find him attractive, most humans didn't, he was an Argonian, after all.

Caesar suddenly stopped, and grabbed Lydia, covering her mouth and listening to the environment. She was muffled, slightly struggling against his strong grip. Suddenly, a few bandits appeared across the field of vision.

"Alright, what I need you to do is go out there and be a distraction." He said.

"WHAT?!" she said, angrily. "I am a Housecarl, not cannonfodder!"

"Who's the Thane here, me or you?" He said.

Lydia sighed and drew her sword, and then she charged, stabbing one of the bandits in the stomach. She drew back her sword, blocking one of the Bandit's strikes with her sword, slashing the Bandit's knee, causing her to buckle over. Lydia slit her throat, parrying the other's oncoming attacks.

Then the Dragonborn flew into battle, with a flame in his left hand, an orcish war ac in the other. He torched every bandit, before dispatching them with a quick chop to the skull, bodies falling left and right. He dispatched the last bandit with a decapitation, his blood spraying all over Caesar.

Lydia was panting from the battle, tired.

"Are you already tired?" He asked

She nodded slowly.

Gregory scoffed disdainfully. "You really need to work on your stanima, woman! I have more stanima than you!"

"You have no limbs." Lydia shot back.

"True, but still. I'd hate to see how long you last in bed. Mara, you must come faster than a horse!" Gregory chortled, his bones claking while he laughed. Lydia blushed extremely deep, glaring at the skull with burning fury.

"If you were just an ordinary talking skull, you wouldn't have a jaw right now." She growled. This made Gregory laugh so hard, that he would be crying, but he can't because he is a skull, so he would just be laughing extremely hard.

"Now Gregory, what did I tell you about harassing my female companions?" Caesar asked the skull in amocking motherly voice, ehich grated with his normal voice.

"That only you could harass them." Gregory said in a mock child voice, his lower jaw moving to the left slightly, to imitate the emotion of pouting. He could show emotion quite well, despite the fact he is a skull.

"Good boy." Caesar said, smiling, patting the skull like a child would a dog, which is ironic, due to it being a Kahjit skull.

"Anyway, let's get going, Lydia! The world isn't going to save itself." He said, taking her hand and skipping like a girl. Lydia sighed and followed.


	4. The Hot Springs

_Dear Journal_

_ The Dovahkiin has been warming up to me considerably since we first met. He's been opening up little by little as each day passes. He told me how he got here, how old he was, and things like that. He was actually coming to see a friend, when he was attacked by Imperials and Stormcloacks. He was dressed in blue and was mistaken to be on their side. Which he said "Because what I want is to serve a Jarl that has nothing but disdain for my race." He told me a little about his family, who were nobles in Cyrodil. He lived a very privileged life, but he still practiced combat. He used a war ax and magic, usually flames. He is very cheery, and happy, always joking and took flirting coolly, after a while. To as whether or not he likes me or not, I have no idea. He probably just likes the attention. Whenever he talks about his siblings, the usual smile on his face fades, and he remains silent…_

_Gregory is still an asshole._

_Well, he's at High Hrothgar, learning the Way of the Voice. He said that he will be back tonight._

_Until next time, Lydia_

Lydia slowly woke, not wanting to get out of the warm bed. She wrapped herself in her blankets tighter. She fell out of bed and put on the padding, leather, and armor. She wrapped herself in warm furs and headed downstairs. She asked if the bar tender if she had seen an Argonian.

"Yeah, he went to a hot spring. He told me that you would find him there." she said.

Lydia nodded and headed out. She marked the location on her map and made her way there. The map she had was magical, and showed where she was. It was very useful when going anywhere. When she got close to the river, she saw his discarded armor and clothes on a rock. She blushed lightly, but shook it off, not trying to think about it. Though, something did catch her eye. An Amulet of Mara that was sitting next to his armor. She hadn't noticed it before

As she got closer, she saw the Dovahkiin and Gregory. He was bathing, washing his strong face. He was quite muscular, having muscles larger than some Nords. This was the first time she saw him without his hood. He had dark green feathers, and two, small horns on his forehead. His skin was dark green, and he had three long scars across the left side of his face. He had dark, black tattoos across his torso and up to his neck.

Lydia blushed a dark crimson and turned away, her knees buckling; she held a rock so she didn't fall over. Caesar turned his head where she fell.

"Lydia?" he called softly.

"Ye-ye…. Ahem… Yes?" she stammered, flustered and embarrassed.

He rose from the water and approached her, keeping certain parts hidden from her.

"I didn't expect you to wake so early." he said, crouching next to her. She tried not to look at him, and failed. She could not stop looking at his muscles, his face, everything. She bit her lower lip, trying to keep herself under control.

"Keep yourself under control, you act like you've never seen a man nude." he said calmly.

"I haven't…" she said, shyly.

"Really, now?" he chuckled. "Well, am I what you expected?"

She shook her head. "I-I- didn't know what to expect…"

Caesar grunted and then just resumed bathing. Lydia looked over at him. "That's it?"

"What do you mean?"

"No scolding or being made fun of?" she asked shyly.

"Nah. I don't care who does or doesn't like my body." He said, washing the feathers on his head, smirking at her arousal, which made her shuffle, blushing at him. "In the Empire, there are social bathers, so we don't mind nudity. In fact, you can join if you want. The water is quite warm"

She moved one of the fingers covering her eyes. "You don't mind… if I join?"

Caesar shrugged. "Not in the slightest." He said.

She thought for a moment. It's been awhile since she's truly relaxed, after all the walking, talking, and arguing with Gregory. "Ok… please, turn away for a second…" Caesar turned away from her for her to slip out of her armor. Gregory whistled suggestively, to which Caesar put it into the hot spring, where it glubbed angrily. She became flustered and covered herself up so he wouldn't see anything. She slipped into the water and relaxed.

"Better?" He asked.

"Very." She said, finally able to relax after days of adventuring. She put her arms on the edge of the hot spring.

"Say, can you wash my back?" he asked. "I've been trying to get it all morning, and Gregory has been no help."

Lydia smiled and rolled her eyes and washed his back, getting the dirt and… fur?


	5. Dragons

She picked the fur off his back, inspecting it. It was soft and black, almost like a dog, except dogs didn't have this type of hair, a bear maybe? Even more curious, was that it was on his back, of all places.

"My Thane?" she asked.

"Hm?"

"What is this?" She asked, showing him the black fur.

"Oh, that? That's from my sleeping bag. It's made of the fur of a dead bear." He said.

"Oh… I thought it was-"

"Werewolf fur? C'mon, Lydia, that's just stupid." He said, plainly. Lydia shrugged and threw it over her shoulder, cleaning off his back. He relaxed while she rubbed, for he hasn't been able to relax for days on end.

"Talos, do you ever relax your muscles? You have them all over your back." Lydia said, trying to massage her Thane's back.

"Lydia, it's been a very long time since I've been able to relax. That's one of the reasons I came here." He said, relaxing and loosening as she massaged. "Mmmmmm… Thank you." He said once she was done.

"You're welcome." She said, resuming her place on the other side of the hot spring. Caesar paused for a second, listening to the wind. His eyes suddenly widened.

"Lydia, get down!" He yelled, pushing her head underwater. She glubbed. Caesar leapt out of the water and put on his small clothes and pants and grabbed his ax, readying a fire spell in his left hand. Lydia looked out of the water and saw something she has never seen before. A Dragon. She then jumped out of the water, running behind a rock and grabbing her clothes and sword and shield.

The Dragon flew close to the ground, Caesar running alongside it.

"WULD!" He yelled, and he suddenly was on top of the Dragon riding it up into the sky. It tried to shake him off, but to no avail. The Dragonborn climbed to its wings and cut up the membrane. The Dragon roared as it fell to the ground, screaming in pain. Lydia was sprinting to keep up with them. She eventually caught up, to see them two fighting.

The Dragonborn was slashing and burning its face, having little effect on the Dragon. He then equipped his flames in both hands and kept spewing flames, still to no effect. The Dragon used its head to slap the Dragonborn into the hill.

"Thane!" she yelled.

The Dragon turned its head and roared at Lydia, charging.

"Shit." She said. She charged at the Dragon as well.

"YOL TUL SHUL!" it said, spewing fire from its mouth. Lydia raised her shield to block the flames. The flames were slowly melting the shield. The flames relented, but she was whipped with the tail, causing a large gash in her side.

"WULD!" Caesar shouted again. The Dragon looked around to see the Dragonborn in his face, as he embedded an ax in his skull, and as it opened it mouth, shooting a fireball down its throat.

The Dragon's throat exploded, its organs spilling everywhere. As it disintegrated, a blue-orange, wispy air came from its body and flew into Caesar's. It burned slightly, but it wore off, and he looked for Lydia.

He found her unconscious body next to a tree. He touched the gash on her side, and summoned up a healing spell in both of his hands and quickly healed her broken ribs and gash, which made a nice scar. He sighed with relief and gently shook her awake.

"Ohhhhhh… What happened?" She asked.

"You were knocked out by the dragon and broke a few bones, so I healed you up." He said, quietly, worry in his eyes. "Are you alright?"

"I've felt better." She whispered. She touched his face gently. "Thank you..."

Caesar gently picked up Lydia, and went to gather his armor, Lydia's armor, and Gregory.

"You fuckin' pick! If I had arms, I would be choking you right now, you blighted asshole! What kind of person does that to a cripple?!" Gregory scolded, to which Caesar glared at him. The skull backed down.


	6. Pain of the Past

Caesar set Lydia in the bed gently, making sure he didn't hurt her. They still had a few hours to rest until they had to get out. Caesar sat next on her bed, pressing a hand on her cheek.

"By the Nine, you're cold." He said, quietly, "here." He pulled some fur blankets out of his bag and wrapped her in them. She grumbled and snuggled into the blankets, slowly opening her eyes. She looked at Caesar's eyes. His eyes were a golden color, and snakelike, warm. Unlike hers, which were blue, and cold as ice.

"It will take you a few hours to recover. Before you ask why so short, is because I got you in an early stage of injury, and it was relatively minor injury, but you lost a lot of blood, so just rest up. Don't worry, I'll watch over you." He said.

She nodded faintly, and slowly nodded to sleep.

Lydia slowly woke up, to see the Caesar had kept his promise, even though he was sleeping. His fingers were interlocked, as if he was waiting anxiously. He was snoring quite loudly, until Lydia poked his ribs.

"Zzzz. Wha- huh?!" He exclaimed as he woke from his slumber. "Are you feeling better?" he asked. She nodded, slowly getting out of bed. "Good! Off to our next adventure!" Caesar exclaimed.

"Already?" she asked.

"Noooooo, I just felt like saying that." He said sarcastically. "Of course we are going on another adventure. Pack your stuff and put on your armor, it's time to go!" He said hurriedly, running down the stairs before she could say anything. Lydia sighed and slid her armor on. She didn't like her armor in the least. It was very constricting to her figure, and it always chafed her everywhere.

When all of her armor was equipped, she saw Caesar standing at his foot, waiting anxiously.

"You ready?"

"I guess…" She grumbled, dreading another adventure with this crazy Lizard.

"GOOD! Come, to Narnia!" he yelled, as he exited the door.

"Narnia?" she asked, walking out of the door.

Lydia walked outside to see two steeds; one of them was mounted by Caesar.

"You bought one for me?" she asked.

"I may be rich, but I'm not that rich. You're either going have to ride on this horse, or you're going walk." He said, pointing to the horse. Lydia sighed and mounted onto the horse, holding Caesar's sides.

"Foreword, Aidyl! Yah, yah!" he yelled, pointing his finger. The horse slowly walked out of Rorikstead. Lydia was trying to hide her face all the way out.

When they were finally out of Rorikstead, Lydia had time to think about her relationship with the Crazy lizard who talks to himself. She had no idea what she was to him. Was she a friend or just a valuable servant? Sometimes, he is one of the nicest people she has ever met. At others, he seemed a bit unstable, with his mood swings and lust for adventure, only bringing her a long so she could be the distraction for bandits.

Later, they set up camp. "Why do you wear that necklace?" she asked, pitching her tent.

"What do you mean?" He asked.

"You know what I mean. The Amulet of Mara, why do you wear it?"

"Why else would I wear it, Lydia?" He asked. "I'm just simply a lonely man in a lonely world that is on the brink of destruction. Companionship is something that I quite desire." He said, tending the fire.

"I thought you said you were visiting a friend." She said. "Surely, you have many of those."

The Dovahkiin, stopped, the normal smile on his face fading away. "Why do you assume?" he said, very quietly.

"I just-"

"You thought wrong." He retorted, coldly. "I've only had one friend. And he's gone now…" Caesar, kept looking at the fire, looking alone and distant.

After a long silence, Lydia started talking again. "I thought you said you were visiting a friend." She said.

"I lied. Whenever I tell my true story, all I get is bullshit." He growled, eyes narrowing.

"My Thane… you can tell me." She said, quietly.

He turned his gaze to her. "Do you really want to know?" he asked.

She nodded, wanting to listen to what he has to say.

"It all started, when I was young." He began. "I was, as I said, adopted, found in a bundle on the side of the road in the rain. That's when the Vasculius family took me in as one of their own. Lady Vasculius was barren, unable to give bath. And they always wanted a child, no matter what race. So, when they found me, they took me in as one of their own. When I was young, I was teased by the children, calling me "Bastard Son Vasculius". I was often beat up, and always blamed. There was only one kid who didn't judge me. His name was Cudef, another bastard child, but he had no family."

He always stood up for me, no matter what it was for. He was my best friend. He and I eventually moved in together, he adopted the surname. There were several other children that they adopted, but Cudef and I, were the ones who never split up. Don't get me wrong, I loved my other siblings just as much. Titus and Vittoria, that's what their names were. They were the voices of reasons to our madness…"

When we were grown, Cudef made up his mind that we were going to come here, to live life to the fullest. But, just as we raised the money, everything went to Oblivion. A rival family that that hated every other race, came in and slaughtered my mother, father, Titus, and Vittoria. Cudef and I held them off and fled here, crossing the border. But we were ambushed by Stormcloacks, who were ambushed by Imperials. During the battle Cudef and I fled, running into the woods. Cudef sustained heavy injuries, and fainted, so I carried him, desperately looking for a healer. He… his injuries were too severer… He didn't make it…" Caesar choked up, tears rolling down his face.

"His last words to me were, 'It's going to be a lonely world without me, you know. Meet me in Sovngarde, when you're ready, brother.'" Caesar couldn't hold it in any more, crying into his knee. Lydia moved closer to him, holding his hand and pulling him into an embrace.


	7. Comfort

Caesar cried in her chest, Lydia taking off his helmet and stroking the feathers on his head, trying to calm him down. She looked into his eyes, which had no light in them. They were cold flames, about to go out from no air. She pitied him, not having gone through such grief. She herself had never had any one she loved die, not her father, mother, or friends. She tried to think of something that could make him feel better. She then remembered something her mother sang to her when she was upset as a child.

She leaned in and softly sang into his ear. Caesar was surprised by her singing voice, slowly calming down, sniffling. She stopped singing after a while and put her head on his, stroking his face. He breathed heavily, slowly regaining his composure, but he still laid his head on her chest.

"Hold on." She said, as she unstrapped her breastplate. She threw it off and held him again.

"Thank you… for comforting me, I mean." He said, holding her sides. "I haven't had a friend in a long time…"

"There is no need to thank me, my Tha-"

"Please, just call me Caesar." He said.

"Yes, Caesar, as you wish." She looked at the armor he was wearing. It was Orcish, in design, but it had Nordic elements, such as the animal skins. "Aren't you uncomfortable?" she asked.

"Well, now that you mention in, I am." Caesar said, looking at his armor. "Can you help me remove it?" he asked, pointing to the straps on his back. Lydia undid the straps as he removed the ones on the front and tossing off his gauntlets, greaves, and boots.

"Mmmmmm, much better." He said, stretching his sore muscles. Lydia sat back, trying not to look, and, again, failing.

_Am I… No, no, I can't that's… that's taboo…_ she thought frantically to herself, blushing. _I can't... I can't do that…_

Caesar looked into her face. "Is something wrong, Lydia?" he asked. "You are blushing quite a bit."

"N-nothing…" she said.

Caesar shrugged and took off the rest of the leather and padding, causing Lydia to blush deeper, trying to look away. But then, he laid his head down on her chest again, bringing him back into her attention, impossible to ignore. She looked at his muscles, finding herself getting slightly aroused.

_Gods dammit! Why?!_ She thought to herself. Trying to act nonchalant, she kept stroking the feathers on his head. He relaxed, looking at her scarlet face, chuckling lightly.

"Why are you so red?" He asked, curious.

"I-I don't know…" She stammered, trying to keep herself under control. Caesar reached up and touched her face, gently stroking her cheek. She got redder and redder, much to his amusement.

"_Oh, la la,_ my my, what do we have here?" said Gregory. The Dovahkiin then hide him under the skins of animals. "Not cool, man." He growled.

"Hm." said Caesar. "It's going to be a cold night tonight and the fire is dying out. I think we're going to have to sleep together."

"W-what?!" she asked, nervously.

"You heard. We're going to have to share a sleeping bag." He said. "Is there anything wrong with that?"

"No… no, not at all." She said.

In truth, it's not that he specifically wanted to sleep with her, or that it was going to be cold, he just forgot her sleeping bag at the Inn and really didn't feel like walking all the way back to Ivarstead just to get a sleeping bag.

Lydia told him to look away, again, and she changed into night clothes and got into the bag. Caesar joined her after a minute, save that he was only wearing small clothes, causing Lydia to blush uncontrollably, not looking behind her.

Caesar snored loudly, which was intensified because he was RIGHT NEXT TO HER EAR. His snoring made two mammoths mating sound like a quiet, subtle ordeal.

_Should I… no… maybe… Just anything to stop his goddamned snoring_. She thought to herself. She searched for something she could shove in his mouth, anything. She found nothing. She grumbled to herself, not knowing how to shut him up. She then just took off her night shirt, it left her exposed, but she didn't care, no one was looking. She shoved the shirt into his mouth and then went back to sleep. She regretted this immediatly, it was cold and her earlier arousal making it very cold for her lower body, and her nipples getting so hard the could cut diamonds. She was happy that her Thane couldn't see this. But Gregory could.

"My, what knockers!" He exclaimed, his "eyebrows" raised.

"F-f-f-fuck you!" she said, covering her breasts.

"Only in your dreams, baby." He said.

Caesar spat it back out, snoring louder, as if his body was self-aware and trying to make her night hell. Lydia groans and pulled a bear pelt over her ears, trying to block out the sound. That plan failed too. She turned to him and kept jabbing his gut, but again, to no avail. She came up with one last idea.

"You know, you could just kiss him and he would shut up." said the ever-iritating skull.

"No! I-it-it's wrong!" She said through chattering teeth.

"Whatever, you can sleep with... hrm... Shit, I can't think of something clever and witty to say about his loud snoring. Well, you can sleep with that shit going on all night, see that I care." He said, the skull falling over, falling "asleep".

"I just know I'm going to regret this." She said to herself, unable to see what other option there was. She turned to him again and kissed him on his scaly lips, pressing her body to his to keep warm. And it worked, he didn't snore for the rest of the night, and she was warm, but he had a big, stupid smile on his face.

"Finally." She said, slowly falling to sleep, too tired to notice muscular, reptilian arms wrapping around her sides, pulling her closer to him.


	8. A Night to Remember

_Dear Journal,_

_I think the Dovahkiin likes me. Whenever I change, putting on armor or taking off, I can always see him out of the corner of my eye, watching me. And I don't mind at all, not in the least bit. It's either because he either rubbed off on me or…. No, I can't say that… I just can't… Though, I will say, he has become a lot nicer, still using me as cannon fodder, but still much more considerate._

_Though, he still hasn't told me why he leaves late at night. I'm going to find out tonight._

_Wish me luck,_

_Lydia_

Lydia set the book down and pretended to fall asleep. The Dragonborn watched her silently, his gaze gentle, as a lover would look at their other sleeping. He came up to her and crouched next to her face. He stroked the hair out of her face, looking at her soft face. He smiled gently and got up, picking up Gregory and walking away.

"I should get her up… I need her to trust me." said Caesar to the skull.

"No, she will learn tomorrow! You made a promise to not let anyone interfere in this anyway." Gregory said. He was acting unusual, not joking or anything like that. His voice was filled with seriousness. "We are so close! Hurry!"

Caesar picked up the skull and walked from camp. Lydia slowly rose soon after and followed closely, making sure not to make any sound. It was a dark night, no Aurora lit the sky. She followed them through lifeless, crooked trees. The closer they got to their destination, the colder it got.

They soon moved to a clearing in the woods, there were bones. Kahjiit bones.

"What the fuck?" she said quietly to herself.

Caesar laid the skull on the neck of the skeleton. He then pulled out a potion and poured it onto the body, making an intricate circle in it. He then got onto his knees and began to speak gibberish words.

* * *

**Insert Sephiroth theme here**

* * *

The Skeleton slowly began to rise from the ground, as it screamed in seeming agony. Organs and muscles slowly began to form around the Skeleton. Lydia watched in horror as her thane, her friend, did this. The thing began to form eyes, silver and ominous. A grey fur skin wrapped itself around the body. The thing grew black claws, sharp and fresh. The thing then started to laugh, with a loud, booming, almost evil voice. It then began to form a face. It was disfigured; one half of its face seeming like it was burned.

The thing then fell to the ground, its fists clenched, and darkness rising from his body. He was laughing manically. He stood, a huge smile on his face, sharp teeth flashing.

"I… AM REBORN!" He shouted, fists rose in triumph. "I am Qa'Sharr, DRAGONBORN!"

Lydia's jaw dropped, not believing what she saw. _Did he… just raise the dead?_ She asked herself.

Caesar was panting hard, unable to catch his breath. Qa'Sharr placed his hand on his shoulder.

"Very good, my friend." He said. Qa'Sharr chuckled and danced.

"I feel so fucking alive! The Gods truly do love me! AHAHAHAHA!" He said, looking between his legs. "Oh and how I've missed you!"

Lydia couldn't hold it anymore and she ran to her thane, holding him. He was sweating heavily, the resurrection taking all of his energy to do.

"Oh, hello Lydia." He said. "Mind carrying back to camp? Good, also when were there, get my alcohol, this is a time of celebration!" he then fainted. Lydia picked him up and carried him over her shoulder.

Qa'Sharr stopped dancing to notice Lydia.

"Ah, hello, Lydia. You like my body?" he said, a huge grin on his face.

"Right now, I don't care, just help me get him to camp." She said.

Qa'Sharr rolled his eyes and helped her carry him.

They got back to camp and set Caesar down on the bed roll. He slowly got up, some of his energy back.

"Ugghhhh, ah, shit..." he said, holding his head. He glanced at Lydia, and then Qa'Sharr.

"Gregory! It worked!" he said excitedly.

Qa'Sharr chuckled. "Yes, it did, my friend, yes it did."

"Before this goes any further, I really need to ask some questions." Said Lydia.

"Shoot." Said Caesar, drinking his ale.

"Why were you named Gregory?"

"Gregory is just a name given to me. I am not completely sure why, but I just stuck with it. It was also convenient for other reasons." said Qa'Sharr, also drinking ale.

"And you, why?" Lydia asked the Dragonborn. "Why did you resurrect the dead?"

"We had a deal. You see, Qa'Sharr was fighting Alduin, he was almost killed the Dragon. Alduin then sent him back in time and made sure that there was no way he could come back, so he cut off his head on the way. I found him one day when I was drunk and outside an inn, drinking in my misery." Said Caesar, handing ale to Lydia, who drank it quickly.

They sat there, not caring to discuss it further. They kept drinking too. Qa'Sharr passed out early, unable to process the alcohol this early. Lydia and Caesar, however, got very drunk. They were laughing at each other's jokes. When they were stone drunk, Lydia laid into the Dovahkiin's chest.

"There was this one time, when I was adventuring," said Caesar drunkly, making gestures with his hand, "And then this fucker shot my fucking knee and I was like 'What the fuck man, why did you shoot my knee? So I set him on fire."

Lydia kept laughing, drunk off her ass. Caesar laughed with her, holding her shoulder.

"You know what, Dragonborn, for an Argonian, you're alright." Lydia said, slurring her words.

"And you know what, you're purdy." He said, touching her face, chuckling.

"You really think so?" She said, hiccupping. "I say you're bull shitting!"

"No, I'm not! You really are." He said.

"I do not believe you until you prove it." she said, pouting like a child with a smile on her face. Caesar gently turned her face and gently kissed, to the best of his ability anyway, since Argonians don't have much for lips, holding her head. He quickly parted, blushing.

"I proved it." said Caesar, slightly flustered.

"Ah, shit. You're the Dragonborn for Talos sakes, you can do better than that." She teased. He then kissed her more, holding her hips and lying down. They then got into the tent, and it went further and further, their drunkenness clouding their judgment for that one moment of pure lust, their feelings flying out. Just when they were about to get nude, though, Lydia stopped him.

"I… I'm sorry, I can't do it." she said, pressing her hand to his chest.

"Lydia…" Caesar began.

"I can't… it's simply just too early…" she said, getting under the covers to avoid his gaze, which was full of drunken lust. He touched her shoulder and turned her to him.

"Lydia, what is there to be afraid of?" he asked.

"Love… I'm afraid of love." She said shyly.

"Then love doesn't need to be a part of this. We are just friends, and we can allow it to stay like that." Said Caesar, meeting Lydia's gaze. "Here, under this tent, we cannot be judged. Not even the gods. What happens here shall stay here."

"Are you sure?" she asked.

Caesar nodded; a complete sureness of himself in his eyes.

"Ok..." she said, she then pulled down the covers and let Caesar in, pressing her soft lips against his scaly ones. After this, complete bliss followed.

* * *

**You can imagine a love scene, just play Nightwish-Islander with it, though.**

**Well, did I surprise you? Tell me in your review!  
**


	9. Of Gregory's Bandit killing

**I'm sorry this took so long, I was grounded for a long time. Please forgive me.**

* * *

Qa'Sharr was the first to wake from his drunken slumber. He yawned and held his head, stretching. He shook his brown fur and stroked his thick, black mustache. He smiled widely, looking at his body, very happy to have his body back. There was one problem, however. He needed clothes. He was nude, and certain parts of his body were smaller and more shriveled than desired. He decided to find some bandits to take them from. He climbed a tree closest at hand and looked for some. Conveniently, he spotted some bandits not that far off. He slid down and followed the bandits. Qa'Sharr caught up quickly and walked in front of them. They stopped and their leader, presumably, approached the nude Kahjiit.

"What the hell are you doing here?" asked the Bandit, his hand on his blade. Qa'Sharr looked at his armor with intent.

"Fine armor you got there." Said Qa'Sharr and then grinning coldly. "I think it would look so much better on me, though."

The bandit drew his blade, holding it to Qa'Sharr's throat. "Who the hell do you think you are? Do you know who you're threatening?" growled the Bandit.

"No. And honestly, I don't give a fuck." He said, his gaze landing on the man's throat. "But I do know, is that you have two choices. One; you can give me the armor, and walk away with you, and your men's lives. Or, you die."

This caused much laughter from the bandits. Qa'Sharr only smiled in reply.

"You are rather stupid, aren't you? You are threatening Haafgar, Bandit of Reach!" the Bandit said with much pride.

"Well, why aren't you in the Reach, if I may ask?" Qa'Sharr asked in an even tone.

"The Reach was where I did most of my banditry, I'm just moving to another place." He said.

"Very well. Have you made up your mind yet? I'm getting rather bored of just talking and Skyrim isn't getting any warmer any time soon." Qa'Sharr asked, slightly annoyed.

"Yes, I'm going to skin you slow-"before the man could finish, Qa'Sharr grabbed his wrist and twisted it hard, breaking it. The man screamed in pain, getting on one knee. Qa'Sharr then slit the man's throat with his claws, blood spattering the ground. One of his lackeys ran to the former Dragonborn.

"_WULD NAH KEST"_ shouted Qa'Sharr, whose claws were shoved in the bandit's throat. HE threw him to the ground, grabbing the claymore on the ground. He stabbed the next bandit's stomach, lifting her off the ground and tossing her aside. He glared at the last bandit, who was shaking.

"Do you really want to do this?" he asked, head tilted. The bandit shook his head and ran off in the other direction. Qa'Sharr smiled and dragged the leader's body into the woods. He took all of his armor, tossing aside his helmet. He eagerly put on the armor, welcoming the warmth. He then looted all the corpses of gold and jewels and headed back to camp.

Lydia woke up and rubbed her eyes. She was sore between her legs and had a hammering headache. All she could remember from last night was the resurrection of Gregory, everything else was fuzzy. She looked over to see her Thane sleeping next to her. She shrugged; there wasn't anything unusual about that, she had to normally sleep with him anyway, due to the mishap of him losing her sleeping bag. She just shrugged it off and got dressed. She exited the tent, where it was close to the afternoon. She saw Qa'Sharr, or Gregory, as he still preferred to be called. He was cooking breakfast. It was wolf meat with a little of… frostbite spider. She drew back at the repulsive smell. The carapace produced a very bad smell, as she learned while adventuring with Caesar, who was proficient in anything fire related. Fire ball, fire wall, fire roof, blue fire, green fire, fire sculpture. It's fucking insane how much he knows.

Gregory looked up and looked at Lydia with cold, cunning eyes. They were calculating, watching every move, every possible outcome. He was always thinking. As if music was playing in his head.

"Sup, bitch?" He said, casually, a smirk on his face.

She planted her face into her palm, rubbing her temples. "Morning, Gregory."

"I have some food ready. I set it to the side." He said, nodding his head to the food on a log. He picked up a spider leg and ate a chunk of thing, a greenish yellow liquid dripping from his mouth. Lydia shuddered.

"Pussy." Gregory chuckled, chewing on the cooked spider leg.

Lydia sighed and picked up her wolf meat, eating it slowly. She didn't have much of an appetite.

"So," Gregory said, staring at her, "Tell me, is he good?"

Lydia gave him a very confused look. "Say again?"

"You heard me. Can he wield his sword like a 'Nord from Legend'?" Gregory asked, his scheming eyes observing her.

"I'm afraid I have no idea what in the hell you're talking about." Lydia asked, continuing to eat the wolf meat.

"Oh, so you don't remember that he fucked you?" Gregory said the largest smirk across his face.

Lydia spat out her food, blushing a deep red, unable to believe what she just heard. "Phbt! Bu- Wha- huh?!" She said, very flustered, much to Gregory's amusement.

"Come now, you can't say that you were honestly surprised." He said, smiling at her innocently.

"No, no no no no no no no! You're lying!" she said, her anger seething through the air like a blade.

"Oh, my dear Lydia, you should believe me. Though a heavy sleeper, I hear things when I sleep. He was rutting you like a plow through a field." He cooed with his icy, croaking voice.

Caesar poked his head through the tent flaps. "What are you people talking about? I am trying to fucking sleep." He grumbled.

"She doesn't believe that you fucked her." Gregory said, nodding his head toward Lydia.

Caesar looked at Lydia and Gregory with a piercing glare, angry to be woken; he was trying to sleep until his hangover wore off. He sighed angrily.

"Didn't you?" Gregory asked.

"Yes, yes I did. Now may I please go back to sleep? It's too early to be messing with this shit." He growled. Gregory made a dismissive gesture and Caesar fell back into the tent. Lydia stood still, her mouth agape.

"Told you so." Gregory said mockingly at Lydia.

"This explains a few things." Lydia said, cupping between her legs.

"Well, it looks as if the All-Knowing Gregory is right, again. A fucking shocker, honestly." He said, sarcastically. "Let's pack, I have a feeling we have a long road ahead of us."


	10. Hangovers and Dragons

Caesar woke up groggily, not able to get a good night's rest from yesterday's events. He slowly put on his armor, which felt heavier than usual. He crawled out of his tent and fell to the ground, not wanting to move. He slowly got up and saw Gregory and Lydia, gathered around the camp fire. Lydia was solemnly nibbling on her wolf meat. Gregory kept making fun of her, until Caesar fell on his face, that is.

"Ever graceful, sleep beauty." He said, smiling.

Caesar grunted "fuck you" in Jel, which he spoke whenever he had a really bad hangover. (He didn't speak it earlier because the hangover hadn't progressed far enough.) Despite being born in Cyrodil, he spent much of his time learning Jel with other Argonians. To this, Gregory just simply shrugged.

Caesar slowly got up, hunching over and grabbing a kebab of wolf meat and eating ravenously.

"I don't get why you too are so opposed to eating spider legs." Gregory said, still eating all the spiders.

Caesar kept mumbling in Jel, no one able to understand his hissing and squeaks. Lydia kept glancing at the Dragonborn, feeling uneasy.

They finished their meals and quickly packed up camp. Everything else was going fine, until it came to the horses. They had only one.

"Unless you can summon a horse, I'm pretty sure one of us is walking." said Caesar, who was over his hangover, though his voice had a hiss that Lydia hadn't noticed before. Strangely enough, though, it fit with his deep voice. It was probably from him speaking Jel. Even if they had two horses, it wouldn't work. Gregory didn't want to ride with Caesar because he thought that would be homosexual, Lydia doesn't want to ride with Gregory for obvious reasons, and Lydia would be very uncomfortable riding with Caesar due to the events of last night.

"Well, maybe we can all walk." Lydia suggested.

"Hmph. Fuck that. You people can walk." said Gregory, mounting on Aidyl.

"Where are we going?" asked Lydia, ignoring the Kahjiit.

"We are going to the Sleeping Giant Inn, in Riverwood." said Caesar, giving his bags to Lydia. She smiled slightly, knowing that despite last night, he didn't change one bit.

They started off on the way to Riverwood. It was a bright, sunny day in Skyrim. It was rather warm, too. Caesar was humming to himself, as if humming an old folk song. Gregory was yelling mockingly at them to "Move faster, slaves!" Lydia was writing in her journal.

_Dear journal,_

_ Well, that was one hell of a night. Gregory came back to life and is now even more of a dick. He now taunts my every step. But, strangely enough, I know he's only doing it because it out of good humor. It bothers me less, and it also makes me want to… not kill him. I also bedded with the Dovahkiin… I don't know anything about it except that I did it. It bothers me… I was always taught as a child not to have sex before marriage… it makes me feel weak willed… but I am so very afraid of love, that I'm stuck._

_Until next time,_

_ Lydia_

Lydia then closed her journal and placed it onto her belt. She drank from her canteen until it was empty. She was very parched from the roasted wolf meat. She sighed and attached the canteen back onto the pack.

"My thane?" Lydia asked.

"Yes?" replied Caesar.

"Should we fill our canteens soon? I don't have any and the others are feeling rather light." She said, patting the empty canteens.

"Sure." He said. He then opened the map to check for rivers. He marked them on his map and headed in that direction. They came to a river and filled their canteens. They headed on to Riverwood again.

Gregory stopped his horse and signaled the others to stop.

"What is it?" Caesar asked.

"Dragon-flesh." Gregory said.

"We are being followed!" Caesar said.

Soon, they heard the flapping of leathery wings. A gust of wind knocked Lydia and Caesar to the ground. Gregory was knocked off Aidyl.

"Ow." He grunted.

Caesar drew his war ax and charged at the dragon. Lydia drew her sword and raised her shield to block the blows of the dragon. Gregory, on the other hand, just kind of stayed on the ground. He slowly got onto his feet and drew himself together. He shook his head and examined the dragon. He then charged, leapt off of Caesar's back and landed on the dragon's head. The dragon tried to shake him off, but to no avail. He leapt onto its wings, darkness consumed is arms like tentacles, and he punched holes into the dragon's wings, preventing it from flying. He then raised his arms into the air, tentacles wrapping around the dragon's torso. Lydia held down its neck, not anytime to be surprised.

Caesar then slashed away at its head, and then finally stuck the ax into its thick skull with a loud crunch. He wrenched the ax away from its head. The dragon's skin began to melt away, an orange aura emanated from its body and flew into Caesar's body. He smiled, warmth flowing through his body, it was almost… welcoming. He then fell to the ground, a smaller, blue tinged aura eminating from his body.

Caesar slowly stood up and shook.

"Well, let's get back on the road." he said.

* * *

**P.S. Plus five cool points if you got the Lord of the Rings reference.**

**Also, I promise to tell you what Qa'Sharr/Gregory did in the next chapter.  
**


	11. Shadow magic: Power with a Price?

Lydia and Gregory waited outside the inn, with Lydia staring off into the distance and Gregory twiddling his thumbs. He heaved out a long sigh. He was bored, and he hated, absolutely hated, being bored. He casted a glance at Lydia, who was staring at a dog and child playing with each other. She folded her hand and sometime casted a glance at the Kahjiit, until she decided to strike up a conversation.

"What did you do back there?" she asked, looking into Gregory's eyes, who smiled in return.

"Magic, of course." He said. Lydia glared at him, to which Gregory rolled his eyes and responded correctly. "It is an old magic, older than any magic than you know. It is known as Shadow magic."

"How come I've never heard of it?" she asked, interested.

"Probably because you're a Nord." he smirked. "But in truth, it was very difficult to find. I only just happened to stumble into the opportunity to learn about it."

"You see, I made a deal with Hermaeus Mora, the Deadric Prince of knowledge and memory." Gregory said, stroking his thick, braided mustache. Lydia was listening intently, wanting to know about how his affair with a Deadric Lord.

"He came to me as a cloaked man, but I knew it was him."

"How so?" Lydia asked curiously.

"How often do you see a man for tentacles for a beard? He wanted to be found." said Gregory, looking into Lydia's eyes, smiling. "He said that he wanted something, I can't remember now, it's been quite some time. But, in the end, I got the magic he promised. However, there was a…side effect that he forgot to mention." Gregory raised his hand and turned it palm up. There was a black spot on his hand, liquid-like and bubbling, moving, yet remaining stationary. Small tentacles rose from it from time to time, as it slowly wrapped around his hand. It had a green, sickly shine.

"The more I use it, the more it consumes Me." said Gregory.

"You don't use it often then, I assume?" said Lydia, staring at the black spot.

Gregory shook his head. "No, I used it quite a lot. But with my "death", my skin decomposed, getting rid of the shadow's hold. It went all the up to my shoulders."

"What will happen if it reaches your face?"

Gregory was silent at first, taking the question through his thought processes. "I don't know." He said, gravely. Lydia was shaken by his natural voice, which was cold and piercing, like the coldest and darkest of nights.

Caesar walked out of the inn, along with a Breton woman. Her orange-blonde hair was pulled back into a pony tail. She had a stern, serious face, almost old looking. Gregory caught a glimpse of her and let out a groan.

"Oh, Gods. Not you." He grumbled.

"Have we meet before, Kahjiit? If so, I do not remember you. My name is Delphine." She said, smiling at him.

"We've meet before. It's just after we meet, it was a very short and tragic relationship." He said, smiling, remembering what it was like to slit that bitch's throat. He'd give anything to do it again.

"Erm, anyway, follow me." She said, keeping an eye on the grinning Dragonborn. His unnatural, evil smile.

They had arrived at their destination. Or, at least what they thought was left of it. It was burnt to cinders, dead bodies strewn across the streets. Delhpine's face broke, she was clearly disturbed. Lydia and Caesar shared the same emotion, which was concern and disgust at the smell. Gregory on the other hand, was the disturbing clown as he always was.

"Mmmmmm… don't you just LOVE the smell of burnt corpses in the morning." He said, chuckling. Delphine glared at him, a glare that would make any other normal man falter, but not Gregory.

"It makes me hungry." He said, his eyes sparking with menace, causing Delphine to turn away.

"You hear that?" she asked. "Come on!"

They all ran to the top of the hill, where they saw a huge dragon. It was as black as night. His appearance was different from most dragons, seeing as he had four legs, instead of two. He had a beard like formation around his jaw. It was speaking Dovah, until it turned to the Dragonborns.

"Ah, so you've arrived, Dovahkiin." said the black dragon, full of disdain and arrogance. He looked down upon his foes, analyzing them, observing. "I see you have brought your friends with you. No matter. They shall be vanquished as well."

The Black dragon spoke in his native language, gibberish to the two Dragonborns. But Gregory knew. Slowly, bones rose from the ground, flesh and muscles wrapping around the skeleton. It turned its head to the group, and then it roared, ready to fight.

Gregory, however, had other plans. Tentacles shot from his palm, wrapping around the skeleton's head and yanking it off, killing the dragon. It was silent, dead. And then, the dragon's soul flew into Gregory's body, who didn't react. He was used to it.

"What? No… this is impossible!" the dragon roared.

"Two Dragonborns?!" exclaimed Delphine.

The Dragon flew off, quickly, having to rearrange his plans.


End file.
